Over The Brink
by BestCareAnywhere
Summary: An AU story beginning with the episode "Welcome to Korea." What if things had gone much differently on the jeep ride back to the 4077th? I promise the rating is just to be safe.
1. Whole New World

Over the Brink

Over the Brink

A/N: This is a MASH fan fiction that takes place beginning at the episode 'Welcome to Korea.' It is AU from the beginning of the episode. For anyone who doesn't know, this is the episode where BJ joins the 4077th and Trapper leaves. I do not own MASH, in fact I wasn't even born when it aired, but I sure wish I was. Oh yeah, I have no problem with slash stories but this isn't one.

Chapter One: Departures

Captain Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce was the most dejected man you would ever see as he stepped out of the freezing cold shower. The one man who had kept him sane through insanity was gone. The one man who was always there with a shoulder to lean on or a listening ear had left. The one man whom he would have gone to hell and back for walked away. And this one man did all these things without saying good-bye. The worst part was that Hawkeye could understand why. Anyone would do anything to get out of this place. If you got onto an elevator, Korea was one level below hell. At that moment Hawkeye decided not to make things difficult for his friend by forcing an awkward farewell. He'd give Trapper a call when he got back to the States.

Just as Hawkeye was drying off his wet clothes Major Frank "Ferret Face" Burns stepped into the showers. "Pierce, Radar is too busy helping me to go and get our new surgeon. We need you to go and pick him up. I'm warning you though, if you pull ANY nonsense or try to corrupt our new doctor, Margaret will rip you limb from limb." Hawkeye snorted at the part about Margaret but Frank just glared and sauntered away.

Inwardly Hawkeye grinned. Ferret Face didn't even realize what an opportunity he had just given Hawkeye. A new surgeon and a two-hour jeep ride to convince him that practical jokes are the key to survival at MASH and that Frank Burns is an idiot.

Ninety minutes later Hawkeye was cruising down a pothole filled road in a stylish army jeep. He was going fairly slowly; after all, he had no place to be. Up ahead he could faintly see the outline of the huge army base in Kimpo. He vaguely wondered if they had an officer's club there. It was a beautiful day so Hawkeye began humming an old American song.

_Glory, Glory Hallelujah_

_ My CO hit it with a ruler_

_ The lady turned red and my CO dropped dead_

_And that was the end of Margaret's head._

He wasn't completely sure but he thought he might have replaced a few words unintentionally. Oops.

After a long half hour had passed he pulled up in front of the arrivals building. Outside waited a clean-cut man with light brown hair. He was rather tall. The first thing that Hawkeye noticed though was how young he looked. "This kid's going to be in for the shock of his life," he muttered to himself as he got out of the jeep.

Hawkeye jogged over to where the new surgeon was waiting and grinned as disarmingly as he could. He stuck out his hand. "Dr. Hunnicutt, I presume?"

The man nodded slowly, "Call me BJ. And you are…"

"I'm Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce, Chief surgeon at the 4077th MASH. But you can just call me Hawkeye. I'm your ride back to hell." BJ did a double take at the description and then shrugged. "Whatever you say."

Hawkeye grabbed BJ's suitcase waving off his protests. "Hey, I'm your tour guide. Don't complain; this will be the last valet service you'll get until the end of the war." Together they walked back to the jeep and got in. As they drove away they heard the faint sound of shelling in the distance. Hawkeye sincerely hoped it was in the other direction. With their luck though it would be on the way back to camp. After all, they were both unlucky enough to get drafted weren't they?

"So, where ya from BJ?" Hawkeye asked with a touch of curiosity.

"Mill Valley, CA… the nicest town on the west coast," BJ proclaimed happily. "What about you?"

"Sweet, wonderful, beautiful Crabapple Cove, Maine!! There is nothing that I would not give to be back there!" At this point Hawkeye began murmuring the song 'Home on the Range' growing progressively louder.

BJ was looking understandably nervous. "Ummm… Hawkeye," he said very gently, "Would you prefer if I drove?" Hawkeye glanced at BJ in surprise. "Am I scaring you?" He asked frankly, "Cause I promise I'm not a resident at the giggly home just yet."

BJ was embarrassed. Of course he wasn't. Hawkeye was just letting off a little steam. An awkward silence fell upon them but barely five minutes passed before the jeep came to a bumpy halt. A huge bang rung out and BJ was tossed from the jeep rather violently. His suitcase flew and landed next to him.

"Dammit," yelled out Hawkeye, "The tire blew!" He glanced next to him and seemed to realize that BJ wasn't there. He turned around and paled dramatically. Grabbing the medical bag he jumped out of the vehicle and rushed to his new friend's side. At first BJ appeared to be unconscious but he roused himself as Hawkeye approached. Immediately he sat up. He almost seemed annoyed when Hawkeye pushed him back down before he could protest.

Hawkeye quickly examined BJ visually. His ankle was at a weird angle and he was bleeding from a fairly severe cut in the head but it didn't appear to be anything too serious. It certainly wasn't anything he couldn't handle. He found a stick lying by the side of the road and used it along with bandages from the medical bag to splint BJ's ankle and wrapped a sterile cloth around his forehead tightly. Only after asking BJ if he was injured anywhere else did he help him slowly sit up. BJ told him that it was only bruises.

"Alright BJ," murmured Hawkeye, "If you're sure." Having determined that his friend was all right he was looking around for potential snipers. Seeing none he propped BJ up against his luggage and quickly changed the tire. As they drove away Hawkeye finally made the connection between the refugees they had seen pass them minutes before and the explosion. "Damn guerillas," he exclaimed, "Who do they think they are, firing on doctors?!"

BJ coughed to get Hawkeye's attention. "Are you all right?" were the first words out of Hawkeye's mouth. "Yea I'm fine," replied BJ, "I was just wondering; is it always this quiet around here or is this just an off day?" Hawkeye laughed loudly, "How should I know?" he grinned, "I camp out close to my job to avoid the commuter traffic." BJ started to laugh but winced and put his hand to his head. It came away red. Hawkeye noticed and pulled the jeep over quickly.

"It hasn't stopped bleeding," Hawkeye observed after examining the injury. "I think that you might need some stitches. BJ nodded. "Maybe. Head wounds bleed a lot but this is excessive. Either way it will hold until we get to camp." They exchanged a glance and Hawkeye drove onward.

As it turned out Hawkeye's suspicions about the shelling they had heard leaving Kimpo were proven correct. They drove right into a unit of Americans that was being heavily shelled. Hawkeye's instincts were right on target. He grabbed the medical kit and pulled BJ out of the jeep and into the ditch. Not two seconds later the jeep exploded into a fiery inferno. Unfortunately a nearby soldier was caught in the blast. His head was torn clean off his shoulders and the blood soaked BJ's shirt.

Hawkeye immediately jumped into action following the shouts of "Medic!" throughout the field. He applied pressure bandages, gave out morphine and just offered the injured soldiers a little bit of comfort. In a few cases there wasn't much he could do but he sure did his best. The fighting ended with a Chinese retreat after about fifteen bloody minutes. It was another twenty before all of the injured were loaded into choppers and flown off to the 8063rd.

Now Hawkeye had time to concentrate on other matters. The CO of the unit that they had helped lent Hawkeye another jeep and told them not to worry about returning it. "The army's always replacing combat jeeps." He had told them. We'll get another. I understand they're harder to come by in the medical units. Hawkeye merely nodded and smiled in acknowledgment of the major's kindness. He quickly drove back to where he had left BJ hoping to God that he was alright.

What Hawkeye found he would remember for the rest of his life. BJ was sitting on the ground covered in someone else's blood shaking. A pool of vomit completely surrounded him. Miraculously his luggage, which had been thrown clear of the jeep, was not seriously damaged. BJ's head injury had grown slightly worse though and now would definitely need stitches. He was also understandably in fairly severe shock.

Hawkeye didn't know what to say. What do you say when a young man is exposed to the brutal horrors of war for the first time? He quickly loaded BJ's luggage into the jeep and crouched at his side. "Come on buddy," he said very softly, "Let's get you back to camp and cleaned up." BJ mutely allowed Hawkeye to move him gently into the jeep and settle him in the front seat. His eyes never left the head of the decapitated soldier.

As they resumed the drive towards camp BJ no longer spoke. Hawkeye understood the need for quiet and remained silent. BJ was the first to break the silence as they finally approached camp. "Is that it?" he asked incredulously.

A/N So what do you think? This is my first MASH story and I can't say that I have all of the details right. While I have seen all of the episodes I am not an expert on the Korean War. I cannot say that I got all of the locations or military terms correct but I sure tried. Review… please! 


	2. Anywhere But Here

Chapter 2: Anywhere but Here

Hawkeye brought the jeep to a halt in front of the Swamp. He figured that he would drop off BJ's luggage and then take him to be treated. To his surprise BJ didn't even react when Hawkeye got out of the jeep and took out his bag. That gave Hawkeye pause. The shock must have been worse than he had originally thought. Maybe BJ had a concussion. He quickly returned to his buddy and gently pulled him out of the jeep. Hawkeye couldn't help but notice how badly BJ's arms were shaking.

"BJ," Hawkeye called, hoping to draw him out of it, "Come on, we're going to go to pre-op and get you a few stitches." BJ didn't respond but merely allowed himself to be guided across the compound. Hawkeye ignored the strange stares he was receiving from the enlisted personnel and merely concentrated on getting BJ into pre-op. Finally they were in the dilapidated building. He never thought that he would see the day where he would be happy to be stuck back inside on the disgusting wooden floor. Carefully he laid BJ out on a table.

"BJ, can you follow my finger with your eyes please?" Hawkeye started off easily, knowing that a full examination would be uncomfortable for the new doctor. After determining his pupils were equal but sluggish and dilated Hawkeye diagnosed a mild concussion. It wasn't anything that wouldn't heal itself in a few days. He'd have to be careful watching BJ though. Hawkeye spoke out loud. "You have a mild concussion, okay friend? That means that I am going to give you a local anesthetic while I stitch up your forehead."

Once again BJ was totally non-reactive. Hawkeye hurried over to the cabinet and pulled out a few blankets. Carefully he spread them over BJ, pulling them up to his chest. BJ didn't move as Hawkeye put a damp washcloth over his eyes or as he injected the drug. Hawkeye spoke again, "Tell me something about yourself BJ. Are you married? Do you have any kids?"

Finally BJ answered. "I am married to the most gorgeous woman in the universe and I have a three month old daughter… Erin." Hawkeye listened with half an ear as BJ rambled on about his daughter. He was surprised he had gotten such a great reaction but he was not displeased. He truly hoped that this meant that BJ would be on the road to recovery quite quickly.

Hawkeye finished the stitches quickly and slowly began to remove BJ's shirt. This got a big reaction out of BJ. "I'm fine!" he snapped quickly, "I'm a doctor too you know."

"It's alright," Hawkeye raised his arms in a gesture of defeat. "I just want to make sure you're not seriously hurt elsewhere. It'll only take a moment." But Hawkeye knew that it would take longer than a minute when he saw the almost black bruises practically covering BJ's torso. Glad that BJ still had the cloth covering is eyes he asked, "Are you sure you don't feel pain anywhere else?"

BJ nodded decisively, "I'm absolutely positive. I am perfectly fine." Hawkeye grimaced and said, "No, you are not. I'm afraid that we will have to do a series of X-rays to rule out any broken ribs." He ran his hands gently across BJ's abdomen but didn't feel any abnormalities. He was pretty sure there was no internal bleeding but broken ribs were a distinct possibility. He carefully grabbed a wheelchair that was leaning against the wall and pulled it over to BJ's side. To BJ's irritation Hawkeye fully supported his weight as he was lowered into the wheelchair. Once he did BJ was quickly rolled into X-ray.

As Hawkeye went through the door between pre-op and x-ray he noticed a note stuck in it. Absently he pulled it out and noticed it was addressed to him. Curiously he opened it.

_Pierce,_

_A new colonel is coming to take over command of the 4077__th__ in one week. His name is Sherman Potter. Major Burns and I are on leave in Tokyo for a week to deal with this horrid disappointment. You're in command. I'm sure you and the new doctor can handle everything until we get back. DON'T YOU DARE CORRUPT HIM!!_

_-Major Houlihan_

"Joy," muttered Hawkeye under his breath, "I'm the only doctor around here for at least a week. BJ is in no condition to operate like this."

Nodding to himself he shouted, "Radar!" Not ten seconds later the corporal came rushing in the door. "Sir, I didn't know you were back; the Majors are gone, sir! And …" he paused for a moment and stared at BJ, "Oh my gosh, sir, is that Captain Hunnicutt?! What happened? Is he ok?"

Hawkeye noticed how tense BJ got at the loud noise the Radar was making. He wondered what that was all about. He tuned out Radar and began concentrating fully on BJ. As Radar continued to speak BJ was growing increasingly upset. His breathing was slightly erratic and he had resumed shaking. Hawkeye felt it was time to step in. "Radar, I need you to go and find out when the next load of casualties are due in. After that I need to know if we have any supply shortages in the camp. Then I need you to catch up on all of the paperwork, okay?" Radar looked slightly confused at the abrupt dismissal but nodded nonetheless.

As soon as Radar was gone Hawkeye gently checked BJ's pulse. It was through the roof. He was practically hyperventilating. "Okay BJ," Hawkeye spoke slowly and calmly, "deep breaths…in…out…in…out…" It took Hawkeye a solid five minutes to get BJ's pulse down to a safe level. Even then he was too worried to leave him alone for a long period of time. The x-rays showed two hairline fractures of the ribs; but, as far as Hawkeye could see, they confirmed that there was no internal bleeding. That meant that a few days of lying still would probably do the trick. Hawkeye quickly took BJ's blood pressure and pulse. They were stable again. He wrote a few lines on the chart and noted that BJ was unresponsive again. He carefully wheeled his new friend into the Swamp. Post-op was pretty empty now but it might be crowded in a few hours. Hawkeye figured BJ might prefer a semblance of privacy.

"Hey BJ," Hawkeye chattered, "Welcome to the swamp! This is your bunk over here." This time BJ didn't protest when Hawkeye took the full brunt of his weight. BJ just sunk onto the army cot and closed his eyes. Moments later he was shaken awake by Hawkeye.

"You've gotta stay alert pal," Hawkeye said with a touch of urgency. "It's only for three or four more hours. Then I can be sure that the concussion isn't too serious. Alright?"

BJ barely nodded his head. Hawkeye thought quickly. He propped BJ up on several pillows and pulled out a chessboard. "Do you know how to play?" At BJ's nod Hawkeye smiled encouragingly. "Come on then. I'll even let you go first." For a moment he was afraid that BJ wasn't going to react at all. Then slowly BJ reached out a hand and moved a pawn two spaces forward. Hawkeye slowly released the breath he had been holding.

They played in silence for a full two hours before BJ spoke. "That boy was so young. He didn't look a day over fifteen. He was…" BJ paused for a moment to gather himself, "unbelievably innocent. That boy didn't belong in a war zone, Hawkeye. He belonged in a high school." BJ's shoulders shook slightly with the sobs he was struggling to hide. Hawkeye thought this might be the breakthrough that would send BJ back to the cheerful young doctor he had been just hours before. It might have been the case if Radar hadn't chosen that moment to walk in.

"Hawkeye the next load of casualties are due in about 15 minutes! We have a full supply of everything except doctors. You're the only one at this unit and none of the others can spare any. This is going to be a big one sir!"

Hawkeye's stomach was already churning at the implications of this. But as he was about to prepare for the upcoming session he noticed BJ could not tear his eyes from Radar. He was hyperventilating again. "Radar get out of here," Hawkeye said quickly. He then turned his attention to BJ. "In…out…in…out…" Hawkeye said slowly. It took him another five minutes to calm BJ down. By the time he exited the tent Radar was standing outside wringing his hands nervously.

"What did I do wrong sir?" He asked terrified, "Is Captain Hunnicutt alright?" Hawkeye nodded his head. "You didn't do anything wrong. BJ's just had a really difficult day. He'll be fine Radar but I need you to get Sidney on the line for me ASAP. I know he can't make it down here for at least another two weeks but at least he can give me some advice over the phone. This is out of my league. In the meantime I'm going to sedate him so that he's not upset during OR. I need you to find someone to sit with him for me."

Radar nodded wanting to do anything that he could to help the injured officer. "Yes sir," he said smartly as he stepped away from the Swamp. "Thanks Radar," Hawkeye said quietly as he re-entered the Swamp with a sedative in hand.

"BJ," Hawkeye said quietly, "I'm going to give you something to let you rest now okay?

I have to go to OR but all be back soon. In the meantime one of the nurses is going to keep you company." He winked at BJ, "Too bad you're married." BJ managed a slight chuckle at the joke before muttering, "No sedatives, please."

Hawkeye's light expression turned serious. "Look, enough time has passed since your concussion that sedatives are safe to use. You need to be relaxed so that you don't have a panic attack while there isn't a doctor available to treat you." BJ still looked slightly resistant. "I'll only give you enough to make you relaxed, not enough to knock you out," Hawkeye offered. BJ grudgingly nodded his acceptance to this course of action. Hawkeye of course had no intention of reducing the dosage that much. He carefully injected enough sedative into BJ's arm to put him to sleep for about eight hours. Right now BJ's safety was more important than his happiness.

Hawkeye monitored his friend's vital signs and saw that they were slowed but stable as BJ fell asleep. Nurse Baker walked in. "Monitor his vitals every fifteen minutes and call me if there is any problem," he instructed her. "In eight hours have him eat something and give him this if he becomes agitated." Hawkeye held up a syringe full of mild sedative. Nurse Baker nodded her understanding and Hawkeye exited the Swamp. Just moments after he did he heard the blare of the speakers, "WOUNDED IN THE COMPOUND!" Hawkeye sighed and began to run toward the first ambulance. "I wish I were anywhere but here."

A/N So what did you think? Good, bad, in the middle? You could write a review and tell me! Please??

DISCLAIMER! Any of the medical information included in here should not be considered correct or accurate. In other words: Don't use it as a source of information. If you do please don't sue. You've been warned. Speaking of MASH it's not mine. I really wish it were though. I love that show!


	3. All My Fault

Chapter 3:

Chapter 3:

As the camp speakers blared, "WOUNDED IN THE COMPOUND!" Hawkeye was looking about in horror. There was absolutely no way that he was going to be able to treat all of the casualties that were pouring in. As much as it pained him to say it, he thought that he might need BJ's help despite his fragile condition. He was determined only to take that course of action if the circumstances demanded it however. There was nothing to do but jump directly into the action.

Hawkeye ran quickly up to the chopper pad. That was where the most serious cases were being brought in. Two loaded choppers had already landed and he could see at least four more in the distance. He slapped two of the enlisted personal on the shoulder as he passed by, "C'mon guys, let's get this show on the road." They nodded and began carrying the stretchers down onto the jeeps waiting to transport the patients to Pre-Op.

Hurriedly Hawkeye moved over to the chopper pads. As he diagnosed the incoming patients he gave brief instructions to the nurse or corpsman and moved on. In total, eight fully loaded choppers touched down at the 4077th. Hawkeye hadn't even looked at the patients in the numerous ambulances and buses waiting down in the main compound. Once he was sure that the patients were all being safely transported down the hill to OR he moved onto the triage in the compound. He only paused for a brief moment to clap a few overwhelmed people on the shoulders and offer a small amount of reassurance.

MOTBMOTBMOTBMOTBMOTBMOTBMOTBMOTBMOTBMOTBMOTBMOTB

Triage took forever. He felt like he had diagnosed more busted femurs, shrapnel wounds, and subdural hematomas than he ever had in his life. One soldier in particular caught his eye. This was a young boy, he guessed underage, with a severe chest wound. He was wearing a marine uniform stating he was a private. When Hawkeye checked him out quickly, the boy reached out and snagged his arm, "Am I gonna die sir?" he whispered obviously terrified.

Hawkeye felt like he had a moment to reassure the child. He glanced quickly at the dog tags and saw his name was John. "Of course not John. You're going to be just fine." He mustered a quick grin, "After all, I have a reputation to protect don't I? No one gets to give up once they get here. We're the best." John nodded looking vaguely reassured. He gently released Hawkeye's sleeve and closed his eyes. Hawkeye froze for the briefest second before grabbing the boy's wrist. "His pulse is weak! I'll take him first!" he called out to a passing corpsman. "Prep him for OR." The man nodded and gesturing to a friend they lifted John's stretcher.

Hawkeye sped triage up as best he could. He quickly organized the casualties into ones that could wait and ones that couldn't. There were about five patients who needed to be worked on in the next hour on the outside. He knew that he'd have to have some of the nurses operating on the least complicated cases. Unfortunately they had a shortage of simple wounds. After another ten minutes he came to the conclusion that the wounded weren't going to stop pouring in. "Nurse Kellye," he called, "As of now, you and three nurses of your choosing are in charge of triage. I know you're not doctors but you all know a serious case when you see one. Just do the best you can."

Nurse Kellye looked appropriately unnerved, "Doctor, are you sure?" she questioned, "We're not exactly trained for this."

Pierce gave a shadow of a smile, "Just do your best Kellye. If you're not sure ask me. I'm only twenty feet away." With that comment he stepped into OR and began to scrub and bark orders. "Bigelow, Carter, Frances, get sterile and grab a table. You're operating today." The three nurses looked petrified but obeyed orders nonetheless. Efficiently they began to operate, frequently stopping to ask Hawkeye questions.

Hawkeye's first patient up was that boy, John. He gestured to the nurse to put him under and then began removing shell fragments from the boy's chest. It took almost forty-five minutes to remove all of the fragments and it was touch and go for about half of that. "3-0 silk," he ordered. Five minutes later he gave a sigh of relief. This boy was out of the woods, for the moment at least. "Next!" He called out loudly while simultaneously changing his gloves.

MOTBMOTBMOTBMOTBMOTBMOTBMOTBMOTBMOTBMOTBMOTBMOTBM

OR went on. and on. and on. and on. It was nearly fourteen hours later when it was reported that there were no patients in critical danger. While there were numerous more surgeries to be performed it was determined that it would be safe for Hawkeye to take a one-hour break. He was the only one who had not paused in his work the entire time.

"Call if you need me," he said to the nurses as he left. "Please don't hesitate. Just remember, if in doubt, give a shout." The comment got a few smiles and Hawkeye left OR to a small amount of chuckling.

Once outside Hawkeye made a beeline for the Swamp. He was rather nervous about what he would find there. Upon entering he found Nurse Baker peacefully sleeping in a chair and BJ apparently still sedated. Hawkeye wondered at this until he saw the empty syringe on the table by the bed. He gently shook Nurse Baker awake. She jumped up with a start. "How is he?" Hawkeye asked gently.

Baker shook her head as if to clear it and said, "He's alright, sir. He gave me a problem when he awoke but I sedated him rapidly."

"What happened?"

"As he was waking up Radar walked in. He started screaming about dead men and I had to call two corpsmen to restrain him. At any rate he should awake any minute."

Hawkeye nodded. "I've got about an hour. I'll take care of him for now. Go take a break and get something to eat okay?" Nurse Baker smiled and left the tent. As she left Hawkeye studied BJ's chart. His vitals had been mostly stable throughout the night but his pulse had spiked at one point. He presumed that was around the time Radar walked in.

Hawkeye sat back and watched his bunkmate sleep. He wondered vaguely if Radar had been able to get Sidney on the line. He'd go ask him once BJ awoke. As he was thinking this BJ began to stir. Hawkeye sat up straighter and scooted his char slightly away from BJ's bunk to give him some space upon his awakening.

"No, No, this can't be happening!" BJ cried out, obviously still dozing. Hawkeye leaned forward and gently shook his bunkmate's arm.

"Wake up, BJ, you're safe. I promise." BJ awoke with a startled gasp and sat up in bed immediately. When he saw where he was he blushed and tried to stand. His embarrassment was compounded when Hawkeye gently pushed his shoulders back down onto the bed. "Easy BJ," Hawkeye soothed, "Just relax, okay?" BJ coughed softly and Hawkeye realized his throat must be extremely dry. He quickly grabbed a glass of water off of the nightstand and handed it to his friend. BJ nodded in silent appreciation.

Hawkeye smiled in a friendly manner. "I have to get back to OR in about forty-five minutes; but we have a little time. How would you like to play a game of cards until then?"

BJ glanced at Hawkeye slightly suspiciously. "What time is it exactly?"

Hawkeye paused for a moment, "You've been out fourteen hours. You were not the most lucid person for a while and it was for your own safety."

Anger was prominent on BJ's face for a moment before he shook his head. "I guess I would have done the same thing had I been in your position but you broke your word to me."

Hawkeye was quick to explain. "You need a doctor around to care for you when you're awake and I'm the only other doctor in camp right now. It was just an insurance policy to protect you. Besides, now you are fairly rested and I think that it will be safe for you to be awake for a little while."

BJ grumbled to himself but agreed with Hawkeye's reasoning. They spent about the next twenty minutes playing cards until BJ began to wince in pain whenever he moved his torso. Hawkeye was slowly pushing him back down in the bunk before he could react. "Where does it hurt?" he asked BJ with a touch of urgency.

"Mostly my chest feels like it's on fire and my ankle hurts really badly also."

"Dammit!" Hawkeye murmured to himself. "I knew that needed to be looked at!"

"Don't worry about it Hawkeye," BJ replied, "It's nothing I can't deal with."

His explanation came a little too slowly though. Hawkeye was already moving back the covers on BJ's bed. He grabbed a pillow off of his own bed and placed it under BJ's ankle to elevate it for a short while. Then he carefully removed the quick splint he had placed on the ankle earlier. He couldn't avoid a short gasp of horror. BJ's ankle had swelled quite badly and he obviously wouldn't be able to walk on it. An x-ray was probably in order.

Hawkeye gently held the ankle in his hand and he carefully felt for what he thought the injuries might be. He suspected that BJ had not broken his ankle but it was definitely a bad sprain. He was wary of bringing BJ into Pre-op with all of the patients though. He knew that it would probably make BJ flash back again. The ankle could wait a few hours. He'd grab some ice for it in a minute. As for the chest, that was to be expected. He did have two fractured ribs after all. He'd check it in a few minutes when BJ was a little less embarrassed.

Radar walked into the Swamp yet again. BJ immediately tensed and Hawkeye inwardly cursed. Badly. '_Why the hell did Radar have to choose this moment to walk in here? AGAIN!'_

"I've got Sidney on the line for you Hawkeye." Radar lowered his voice. "Are you alright Captain Hunnicutt?" He was looking on in horror as BJ grew progressively paler and began to breathe erratically.

Hawkeye barely spared a glance for Radar. "Tell Sidney I'll be on the line in a few minutes. In the meanwhile you go to Pre-Op and see what you can do to help out. Ask Bigelow for instructions."

When Radar paused for a moment as if debating whether to leave or not, Hawkeye lost his temper. "GO!" He shouted, spurring Radar to scramble out of the tent.

As soon as Radar left the tent Hawkeye didn't spare him another thought. All of his concentration focused on the man right in front of him. Five minutes had passed with Hawkeye speaking soothingly to BJ but there was no apparent effect. BJ was still hyperventilating dangerously and seemed to be out of touch with the rest of the world. Finally he decided he had to try a different tack to draw BJ out of his nightmare.

"BJ you're safe," Hawkeye began, "There's no shelling and no dead soldiers. Radar is the company clerk and is completely alive. I want you to think about this. No one here is dead. They can't be okay?"

BJ was slowly absorbing the idea. After a moment he shook his head in despair, "He just looks so much like him. That boy didn't deserve to be killed like that. If I hadn't been standing there he would have rolled into a safer place. He'd be alive." He stared blankly into space for a few more moments before falling into an exhausted sleep.

Hawkeye went through the routine checking of BJ's vitals but on the inside he was paralyzed. This explained everything. BJ blamed himself for that boy's death. That was horrifying. He just sat and stared at his friend for a full five minutes. Upon realizing BJ probably wouldn't wake for a while he stood up and exited the tent.

"Radar get me Sidney," he called upon seeing the corporal's form on the other end of the compound.

A/N: Yes I know it's a lame chapter but I really did my best. Review! Pretty Please!  Once again standard disclaimers apply. I don't own MASH, am not making any money, don't know anything about medicine, yada, yada, yada.


	4. Try to End It

Chapter Four: Broken Bodies, Shattered Minds

Chapter Four: Broken Bodies, Shattered Minds

"Hello… Sidney?" Hawkeye called into the phone with nervousness tingeing his voice. "We have a problem up here."

Major Sidney Freedman sat in his office in Tokyo General Hospital very surprised to hear Hawkeye Pierce's voice. He knew that he wouldn't be able to help out for at least a fortnight. "What's the matter Hawkeye?"

"Well we've got a man up here who's in pretty bad shock. He'd barely been in this hellhole for an hour when his jeep ran into some heavy shelling. In one of the explosions a young boy was maimed and killed right in front of him. I know that you can't get yourself down here for a while but I don't know how to treat this guy. He's been sedated for most of the last eighteen hours and I don't know how much more it would be safe to give him. I really need your advice on this one Sidney."

Sidney nodded to himself. These cases were tough. "It might be best if you were able to chopper him out here to Tokyo General for a week or two Hawkeye. Sounds like he could use some help."

"No can do Sidney. He's the only other surgeon in the camp right now. There's no way that HQ would tolerate something like that."

Sidney muttered something that Hawkeye thought he would never hear come out of the mild mannered psychiatrists mouth. "I wish I could tell them that Sidney, but telling them where to shove it won't help Dr. Hunnicutt."

Sidney nodded and considered the dilemma. "Hawkeye, my best advice to you is just talk to the guy. He might not want to talk but you'll have to keep pushing him. It's very unlikely that he'll be able to get through this without some serious support. Also make sure that he doesn't do anything stupid. People do funny things when they're pushed past their breaking point. Until you are positive he's fairly stable don't leave him alone near anything he could use to harm himself or others."

"He's a doctor Sidney. I don't think he would…"

Sidney broke in. "You never know Hawkeye. Trauma does strange things to people. Better safe then sorry."

Hawkeye briefly considered his options. He didn't have very many. He would have to have someone with BJ around the clock and he knew that most of the responsibility would fall to him. But he was due back in OR in barely 40 minutes. Corporal Klinger could sit with BJ for a while and after that, hopefully this session would be over with.

"Okay, thanks Sidney. I'm sure we'll get things under control down here. It would be great if you could stop by in a few weeks though. I'm positive BJ would still benefit from talking to you. You have a shoulder big enough for the entire world to lean on if they had too. There are tons of kids who wouldn't have made it through without you."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Hawkeye, I'll be down there as soon as I can manage. Good luck, and if you need anything don't hesitate to give me a call."

"Bye Sidney."

As Hawkeye hung up the phone he couldn't help but feel rather disappointed about the result of the conversation. He was essentially on his own. It wasn't really a surprise but it was still disheartening. Nevertheless he took a deep breath and walked back toward the Swamp. He had 35 minutes before he was due back in surgery and he figured that he would need to be around BJ during that time.

MOTBMOTBMOTBMOTBMOTBMOTBMOTBMOTBMOTBMOTBMOTBMOTB

As Hawkeye strode over the threshold of the tent the first thing he noticed was that BJ was not on the bed. His eyes went wide and his mind flashed back to what Sidney had said. _"You never know Hawkeye. Trauma does strange things to people. Better safe then sorry."_

"BJ!" He called out softly, "Where are you?" Through the silence of the tent he heard a quiet keening. It seemed to be coming from… behind the bed?? Stepping over there quickly Hawkeye saw something he had hoped never to see.

BJ had somehow managed to find Frank's gun. He hadn't fired yet but he had it pointed toward his head and he was sobbing heavily.

Hawkeye spoke carefully, not wanting to provoke him. "BJ, put the gun down."

There was no reaction.

Hawkeye took another careful pace forward, "BJ…" he prompted.

This got a reaction. BJ's sobs gradually began to form words. "Died… because of me…don't deserve to live… doctors save lives… don't take them." The muzzle of the gun moved more decisively toward BJ's head.

Hawkeye thought quickly, "That's right BJ. Doctors save lives; they don't take them. You're a doctor. Don't take your own life.'

There was a long moment. BJ's eye swerved indecisively around the room and he appeared to be coming to some sort of decision. Hawkeye's heart nearly stopped as BJ cocked the gun. He showed no sign of taking it away from his head.

"Think of Peg and Erin, BJ. How will they live without you? You were telling me about your adorable baby girl. She deserves a chance to get to know her father. Your wife deserves to have her husband with her to raise Erin. You deserve to spend the rest of your life with them. That solder didn't die because of you. He died because of a horrible war that pits children against children. Everybody is innocent in a war. The only people who aren't are a few arrogant generals." Hawkeye's heart was going a mile a minute by the time he finished his speech. "Put the gun down BJ."

An eternity passed. BJ swallowed. He looked up at Hawkeye, tears streaming down his face and let go of the gun. It clattered to the floor with a metallic clang.

Hawkeye quickly knelt and pulled the weapon out of BJ's reach. Then he made his way to the young man's side. BJ had pulled a picture out of a pocket in his shirt. It was obviously his daughter and his wife. "I couldn't leave them," he murmured, "Even if I don't deserve them."

"You deserve them BJ." Hawkeye said very softly, "Someone very wise once told me that there are two rules in a war. Rule number one is that young men die and rule number two is that doctors cannot change rule number one. You can't hate yourself for something that wasn't your fault."

BJ didn't react to Hawkeye's words. He seemed to be mulling it over though.

"Come on, BJ. Let's get you back in bed." Hawkeye carefully lifted BJ. Despite being about his size the man was not too heavy to lift a short distance. Gently he placed him back on the bed. The very blatant wince that BJ gave as he was lifted didn't escape Hawkeye's notice.

"Hey BJ," Hawkeye said cautiously, "I'm just going to re-wrap your ribs okay? It's no big deal." Looking back Hawkeye realized that this shouldn't have come as such a surprise to him. Shell shock patients are often the most difficult to deal with and always are the most unstable.

BJ nodded uncomfortably and Hawkeye kindly removed his shirt. Once again he found himself dismayed by the array of bruises that adorned BJ's torso. Even if BJ was mentally stable Hawkeye doubted that he would be able to support his own weight for any significant period of time.

However, almost eighteen hours had passed since they had arrived in camp and BJ' shirt was still splattered with blood that belonged to someone else. No doubt this was further damaging BJ's fragile state of mind. Under normal circumstances Hawkeye would have allowed BJ to change in private but he was now painfully aware of the danger that lay in doing so. So Hawkeye forewent wrapping BJ's ribs and instead had a passing corpsman bring him a wheelchair and he rolled BJ over to the showers to get cleaned up.

A/N: I know, weird place to pause, but I couldn't write anymore today and I am really far behind in my other story. Standard disclaimers do apply.


	5. But For the Grace

Chapter Five: But for the Grace

BJ was shivering lightly. He felt trapped and cornered. He knew that there was no way out now. He wondered what had made him crazy enough to give up the gun in the first place. They'd be watching him a lot more closely now. It didn't matter though. He'd find a way out if it killed him. Wait, that was the idea. He chuckled darkly at the thought.

The sound was enough to get Hawkeye's attention. He was at BJ's side in an instant. "Are you alright BJ?" he asked carefully.

"Yeah," BJ muttered, annoyed at the interruption in his thoughts. "The water's just a little chilly."

"Ok then," Hawkeye said after a brief pause where he turned off the shower and handed BJ his towel. "There's a change of clothes for you on the bench. I'll wait outside for a minute. Holler if you need help."

It took BJ ages to figure out how to get back into his clothes with a broken ankle and fractured ribs. Finally he came to the conclusion that it wasn't possible for him to do so without assistance. He kept trying though. Finally he lost his balance and fell to the floor of the shower with a wince. He sighed. His pride was about to take a major blow.

"Ummmm Hawkeye," he called out softly, "are you still around?"

He was almost annoyed at the quickness of Hawkeye's response. He was there in the amount of time it would take to walk around the very small tent. He obviously hadn't strayed too far from his new charge. It was almost like he had been being watched. But that was impossible of course… this was a military base, there wouldn't be any peepholes in the shower tent…. would there?

Hawkeye stepped into the room quickly assessing the situation. He immediately noticed BJ lying in a crumpled heap on the floor. He appeared to be trying to mask the rather extreme pain that he must have been in. He also noticed that BJ had had no success dressing. Naturally, he efficiently moved to his patient's side.

"Hey, BJ," he asked conversationally, "Need a hand?"

The answer to that question was obvious, even to BJ. Inwardly BJ cursed. _Was there some reason that Hawkeye insisted that he admit his weakness out loud? _Outwardly though, he gave no sign of his displeasure. "I really could use the help, Hawkeye, if you don't mind."

"Course not," Hawkeye replied easily. "I do have to be back in surgery shortly though. I have a friend that you can stay with until I'm done. His name's Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger. I'm positive that you will find him someone worth meeting."

While BJ puzzled over the meaning of that statement Hawkeye efficiently dressed him, and before BJ knew it he was back in the wheelchair. He did feel quite a bit warmer than he had a moment ago and he was glad for it. "To the Mess Tent!" Hawkeye proclaimed rather obnoxiously.

The journey to the Mess Tent was fairly short. There wasn't anyone around, save the cook in the back, due to the intensive surgery going on across the compound. Hawkeye wheeled BJ up to a table and paused, "Hold on one second. I'm going to get us some food. I'll be right back. Klinger should be here in a moment also."

BJ nodded silently in response and turned his attention to studying the empty table. Hawkeye inwardly cringed at the change that had occurred in the young doctor. Only a few hours ago he had been totally comfortable with joking around and even had smiled a few times. Now he seemed to be a totally broken man. Hawkeye wondered if things had turned out differently if he could have ended up like BJ.

As Hawkeye returned with the trays Klinger entered the tent. His newest outfit was extremely interesting. He was wearing a bright pink miniskirt with an adorable poodle on the front and four inch heels. A laced white blouse competed the ensemble.

BJ couldn't help himself. His mouth dropped open. Very, very far. It was kind of amazing. Hawkeye hadn't been sure that the man had been capable of such a reaction anymore. After all, going from suicidal to amused astonishment in less than an hour was quite an accomplishment.

"Hello, you must be Captain Hunnicutt," proclaimed the strange man.

BJ was too astonished to respond. He wasn't sure if he had progressed to hallucinations. His 'babysitter' was crazier than he was! Quickly he directed a questioning look towards Hawkeye.

"Ah yes," proclaimed Hawkeye, "Klinger's our resident loon. He's bucking for a section eight. He might just get one with the new CO too. God help us all if he's regular army.

Klinger's extremely hairy legs brushed the ground into a picture perfect English curtsy. It allowed BJ a view of the corporal that he hadn't really needed. Ever.

"Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger at your service, Captain Hunnicutt," said the hilariously hirsute man.

"Call me BJ," he replied absentmindedly. "I'm not really one to stand on formality."

Hawkeye clapped his hands in delight. "Then you two will get along just perfectly. If you will excuse me, I have an appointment in the OR. If you can't stand to be without me though, please do not hesitate to summon me. I am always happy to entertain my adoring fans." At this statement he shot Klinger a meaningful look. The implication was clear. Don't take any chances on him having another breakdown. If you need help, get it. Fast. With one final glance over his shoulder Hawkeye stepped out of the mess tent, leaving BJ and Klinger staring awkwardly at eachother.

A/N: Sorry about the time. I know it's been a while, but I can't control life. At any rate… Not mine… but I hope you enjoy it anyway!


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